Mom's gone, the stitches are out & comforting words.

This weekend Lisa was able to get away (Yay!! huge answer to prayer!) to Pico Bonito for 5 days while I stayed here in Balfate with the boys. The boys did great and really impressed me with their teamwork and helping out around the house, which is a huge improvement from when I first met them.
Enil's face and concussion have improved every day for the past week and today is day #7, which means I took his stitches out! He's been counting down since the injury for when they can come out, but unfortunately he still has a couple of more days of rest to make sure his concussion has cleared before he can go back to playing soccer. The first picture is us taking the stitches out...and yes, I'm using kid's scissors with my hemostat to take them out...but I sanitized them, so whatever works, right?  *See my last blogpost for what happened & pics of his initial injury*

stitches coming out!

Stitches out and it's healing quickly!

This weekend we had futbol friday, but it was just scrimmage and not a game this time. The boys and I were there for a few hours, and of course I was the only girl at the field. Culturally, girls (even moms and sisters) literally don't go to the soccer field, unless they go with their husband. Unfortunately, it's always the most popular spot for boys & men of all ages to hangout or even just walk by and whistle, say vulgar things, etc nonstop to any woman in the area. Since I'm not married and I'm the only adult that can go with the boys (and I want to watch them play too!!) I pray whenever I go there with the boys and it's actually not been that bad the times we've been there compared to how constant I know it can be. As the boys grow up, they've become more and more protective of me and it also is reassuring the older ones are pretty much grown men at this point and call themselves my "body guards".

Me and Ever at the soccer field

On Sunday I treated the boys to lunch at the restaurant down the street and then we spent the afternoon at the beach. It was the perfect day for playing at the beach. The boys and I swam, ran around, and just relaxed and enjoyed being together. It really was the best way to spend my last Sunday with them and seeing them be so joyful and joking around, tipping each other over off the inner tube they brought...moments like that make me so thankful they are able to just be kids. Yes, they are getting close to my height (and some are taller than me...) but they were forced to grow up so quickly when they should've been having a childhood, that it melts my heart when I see them whole heartedly just having innocent and blissful fun together, enjoying the pieces of joy that were taken from them growing up.

Watching soccer at the restaurant

I had a bit of an emotional melt down last night after the boys & I had our nightly Bible study. It was a combination of things coming to a boil and spilling over, but the sadness of leaving them so soon was icing on the cake. I went out in the front yard to walk and clear my head, and after a while Jose joined me. I think being comforted by a child is one of the most powerful things there is. The same boy that I grounded earlier that day for saying something rude to his brother is the same one who brings up tough questions during Bible study and cross references verses that he's memorized in his free time. The same boy that has a gut-wrenching past and an incredible future ahead of him. And I don't remember what he said, but he sat down beside me and was there with me in my moment of wiping snot and tears all over my shirt, blubbering in a horrible mess of both English and Spanish. I think what's more powerful is being comforted by a child that you realize is becoming a young man...who you knew would always have a deep heart for others, but you get to experience it first hand when you least expect it.

Jose aka Cristiano Ronaldo #7

Jose all grown up & in his new clothes

Tonight is my last night with the boys and I fly over to Roatan tomorrow morning. I'm going to spend a couple of days in Roatan learning how to scuba dive (!!!!) and then I'll be on my way back to the States on Friday. Please continue to pray for the boys, safety, continued growth and healing in this home, and that Lisa would have more opportunities to take a break and rest.

Concussions, stitches, tetanus, oh my!

The boys don't like it when I refer to them as "ninos"; and they're right, they're not kids anymore! In English I always refer to them as Bethesda Boys because technically Lisa's ministry is Bethesda Home for Boys or "Casa Betesda" as we call it here. But really, I need to start calling them young men because that's what they are, so now I'm trying to remember to call them "chicos" or "jovenes". When I first met them four years ago they were boys. But now they are not just catching up to me in height, but they are improving in school, playing even better than before in soccer, and are having thought provoking discussions and questions about God and what it means to be a Christian leader in a country where witchcraft and atheism are the common beliefs. Their adulthood is quickly approaching and it only makes me want to stay here more--I don't want to miss a second of them growing up so quick!

The twins (Isaias & Jeremias) working on homework together

A few nights ago the boys were playing soccer out front while some workers were here fixing our internet connection. I was in the house supervising the workers and I hear someone yell, a little louder than normal, "Mariiiiaaaa!!!!!" Then I overhear someone yelling something about Enil got hit in the eye and he's bleeding everywhere--so then I actually started listening to them yell from outside. By the grace of God, Jose had thought to take off his shirt, wad it up, and apply pressure to the wound while supporting Enil on his shoulder as they walked to the house. I took him over to the bodega out back where we have a ton of donated medical supplies, grabbed lots of gauze, saline and tylenol. I was relieved to see his eyes were perfectly fine, but the lacerations on his cheek were worse than I expected.
Eventually I got the story of what exactly happened. They were all playing soccer outside and when he was running he turned quickly, didn't realize the internet company's truck was there, the sharp metal edge of a ladder that was hanging out of the truck sliced open his cheek, and he fell to the ground. Praise the Lord it narrowly missed his eyes, nose and his lips!! I applied pressure for 30 minutes while it soaked through my first pile of 4x4 gauzes and was having the boys go through the "in case of emergency" list Lisa left, calling people until someone picked up that wasn't out of town since we needed a ride to the hospital and Lisa wasn't home. While waiting for our ride, I washed it out with saline and applied pressure for the next hour as we waited and then drove down the bumpy dirt road (that sometimes reminds me of the Indiana Jones ride in Disneyland) to the hospital. I've never had to apply heavy pressure to a laceration gushing with blood in a bouncy, moving car before...but like I've said before, every day is a new adventure here. Luckily the metal corner of the ladder didn't puncture through his cheek and into his mouth, but the cut under his eye did go all the way through his subcutaneous tissue and it was so deep/wide I could hook my thumb into it...Below are pictures of his wounds after I cleaned them out and the bleeding had slowed down significantly.

Enil had 3 deep tissue stitches inside and 12 external stitches. Unfortunately, he also has a mild concussion. He can't play soccer for at least 10 days (depending on how quickly his face heals), along with depending on how quickly his concussion symptoms resolve. When the doctor told him at least 10 days without soccer he was more devastated over that than anything else. He is SO bored without soccer and not allowed to use tv, videogames, etc that he was excited when I asked him to help me with the laundry and cooking. He was also somewhat excited to get out of the house and walk to the clinic the next morning to get his tetanus shot.
Although Enil is bummed watching everyone else play soccer for a while and he'll have some large scars on his face, Jose helping him and knowing what to do in an emergency before I could help him was a great experience for Jose. A few days ago, he told me he wants to be "un bombero" (firefighter/ EMT) when he's older because a firefighter saved his life a few years ago when he was stabbed over 35 times and left to die in the street (read up on my blog post from my first trip here to hear more of the boys' backgrounds: Breaking Chains, Breaking hearts). So even when things we didn't plan for happen, God uses one of the boys to learn something and grow in their maturity.

All stitched up!

Birthday, funfetti cake, and Christmas in the Spring

Enil, Evert, Gelsin & Jose

Gelsin turned 16 this weekend! I love when I get to celebrate the boys' birthdays with them in person. Sending a happy birthday video just isn't the same. Gelsin got two Nike dri fit shirts that he loves, I made a funfetti cake, and it was also a great way to celebrate their week of final exams being over!! This week they start a new semester at school.

Gelsin, me & one of his brothers Jeremias

Melvin loves his new shirt and his new skirt! hah

Speaking of new clothes...these boys go through clothes SO fast--with playing soccer every day their clothes get covered in dirt, mud, sand (and an unbelievable amount of sweat...yuck) and the few pairs of clothes they have get washed and worn quickly. Thank you to those of you who have donated clothes, shoes, shin guards, cleats and soccer balls to the boys in the past!! In prepping for this trip I picked through lots and lots of clearance racks to find the boys quality Nike, Adidas, etc athletic clothes for cheap. I'm pretty sure the people at Kohl's and Fred Meyer thought I was a young mom with 10 kids with the variety of sizes I bought when I went up to the register haha. Each boy got 2 new shirts and a pair of shorts. Since we didn't have any wrapping paper, I cut up an old tie dyed bed sheet and used that as packaging...Melvin was also excited about that part of the gift and wore it as a skirt pretending he was a housekeeper. Never a dull moment with him!! :) The boys LOVED their presents and I was so caught up in the hype of it all I totally forgot to take pictures of them opening everything. But--I did get group pictures after they tried on their new clothes.

If any of you would like to donate any new or used boys clothes I would love to start collecting stuff for my next trip!
The boys are ages 14-18.
The younger three wear teens size medium/large and the older five boys wear men's small. 
They each have a good pair of shin guards now (thank you!!!) but new soccer balls are always welcomed because they also get worn out quickly. Soccer cleats are something that they out grow quickly, but by the time they're passed down to one of the other boys they're totally worn out and falling apart. If you have any used cleats I would love to take them off your hands!!
And if you come across soccer cleats on sale and think of the boys, they would be ecstatic to receive a pair of new cleats especially. Their shoe sizes range from men's 6-10.

The boys wearing some of their new shirts

After having our "Christmas in April" last night we went to Sunday night church. Our car is broken down right now, so a friend of Lisa's gave us a ride. Her friend is the one who started this church, and moments after hopping into the passenger seat he says "I would like for you to share your testimony tonight during the service. I think it's very important and something the group needs to hear." To give you some insight into how surprised I was, him and I really don't know each other aside from a few interactions here and there. I had also never been to this church. I have also never shared my story in Spanish. Or been asked to do so just minutes before church started. But! Like He always is, God is good and I asked the Holy Spirit to speak through me, smooth out any choppy Spanish, and give me words to say when I didn't know how to explain something. And that's what Him and I did. I shared how I came to know Christ not as a religious hobby but as a personal God and savior, how my life changed afterward, what I'm doing nowadays as a nurse, and why God has carved Honduras into a huge piece of my heart with each of these young men and what Lisa is doing here.
It's funny, because that morning I had this feeling like God was saying "Just watch what I can do. You ready?" And I hadn't really thought much about that until Lisa's friend asked me to speak at church and my initial thought was "What!? I haven't prepared for this. I don't even like public speaking." and then, "Just watch what I can do. You ready?" went through my mind again right after.


Today is Monday. I leave the boys here in Balfate in 8 short days. How is it that 2 weeks have already gone by!? Next Tuesday I'll leave here and spend three days in Roatan before flying back to the States. It doesn't really matter how long I stay here--every time I leave is more heartbreaking and I'm more homesick for Honduras while in the States. I can't quite put words to it, but I feel more at home here. Like this place brings out pieces of me that make me more who I am; who I'm supposed to be. My only explanation for it is that God is confirming the ache in my heart to stay here--"Yes, this is something that will be a part of your life for a very long time" is what I can imagine Him saying. Although there are several frustrating and difficult things with how life is here culturally (and as a gringa living here), and I do miss people and different things back home...the difficult things I face are severe, but also the joyful things are incredible and real too. Please pray I would be able to remain present every moment and open to what God is doing in each of these young men. Hannah Brencher, a writer I subscribe to, sent out her weekly email this morning and her encouragement was
"Be where your feet are". And I think that's perfect. Please pray I can be where my feet are and not taint this last week with thoughts of dreading going back to the States and how homesick for Honduras I'll be all over again. Don't get me wrong, I love my life in Oregon...but leaving Honduras is like leaving a strange second home that I never knew I had until a few years ago.

More updates to come soon! There's always a new adventure every day and I can't wait to share some of the things that happened today in the next blogpost! :)

Enil, Jose, Gelsin, Evert, Melvin, Franklin, Isaias, me & Jeremias

Broken feet and breakthroughs

This year the boys are attending the bilingual school in Rio Esteban a few pueblos down the road. And they are learning English FAST! They already knew random words and understood things they overhear Lisa and I talking about in English. But now they'll be telling me something and will throw in an English sentence randomly and then continue on in Spanish. I cannot express how proud I am of them!! This week the boys asked me during the end of one of our nightly Bible studies to pray in English, because they're practicing listening to it but also because they find it fascinating hearing people pray in different languages, which I do too. Jose asked if he could pray in English, and when he did the other boys started giggling because it seemed weird to them for one of them to not pray in Spanish. But, with a little practice, a few of the other boys have started sharing short, precious prayers in English with a very heavy accent--and I sit there trying not to be too obvious with how much my eyes are watering and I just want to go over and squeeze them in a big hug.

Jose and Jeremias hilariously laughing & reenacting the Titanic in our front yard/river

Psalm 118:5-7
"In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free.
The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
The Lord is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies."

God is doing major breakthrough every day. Sometimes it's little details that I notice here and there, and other times it is obvious and loud. Several of the boys were neglected and/or abused verbally, physically and sexually before coming to Casa Betesda. Recovering and coping with this trauma is a roller coaster process and culturally something that is very taboo to admit that it happened or talk about past that. Unfortunately, it is accepted as "normal" or "just what happens" here by many people and child welfare rarely looks into cases. A few nights ago after Bible study we went around the table and each boy took a turn praying. One of the boys, that I know has had an especially traumatic past compared to the rest of them, was praying and right before he finished he prayed that God would forgive and heal his stepdad and protect his younger siblings that still live there with him. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I actually opened my eyes to look at him to see if he was really praying what I thought he was praying. What he is asking God to forgive his stepdad for are things I won't type here, but know that is so twisted and sickening that it's unfathomable to even think someone could do those things. God may not have brought complete healing to this boy's past--but he brought compassion and mercy into one of the hardest parts of his heart--and it led to forgiving his stepdad and asking God to forgive his stepdad as well.  

Game day!! Boys had fun and no one got too badly injured.

When I say I'm going to Honduras, people always say "That's so great you can be a nurse in a place that needs so much medical care!" And...then I go on to say I'll be helping raise a house of teenage boys trying to get through high school (some of them starting in the 3rd grade since they never went to school), learn responsibility and respect, counsel them in healing from their broken pasts, and most importantly be raised up to be Christian leaders in the community...and I won't be using my nursing degree much. Except...I do every moment. I may not be starting any iv's, but first of all-- mental health is huge for them and Lisa and I act as counselors several times during the day when it comes to anger management, anxiety, depression, violence, drug addiction cravings, etc. And to say the boys are always getting hurt would be an understatement. I don't think I've seen one day without some type of injury since I got here! Whether it's a big scrape up someone's arm, a rolled ankle, broken toe(s!), deep tissue injury to a hand, or a broken foot...let's just say these boys play pretty rough especially when it comes to soccer. So I do a lot of wound care and splinting/ace wrapping.

Isaias and Franklin

A couple of nights ago, Franklin came inside after playing soccer for a while and was limping and clearly in a lot of pain. When any of the boys even admits they're in pain--you KNOW it's bad. These kids have the highest pain tolerance I think I've ever seen. After examining his foot, I was certain it was broken but unfortunately the nearest hospital with an emergency room that's open during the evenings was over an hour away. I made him ice his foot for longer than he wanted to, gave him some Tylenol and then we prayed during Bible study that night that it would heal completely by the morning. The next day, I had "take Franklin to hospital" on my list of things to do and when I went to look at his foot with a fresh ice pack in my hand, I found him walking around without the slightest limp and saw no signs of pain. After gently looking at & moving his foot, I ended my exam by literally hitting his foot all up and down the areas that were painful to the touch the night before. Not a flinch. All I saw was a small bruise on the lower part of his foot. I think I was more shocked than he was especially having planned on making a trip to the hospital and come to find his foot 100% better. WOW. God is so good!! And it's moments like these that I love to experience with the boys and see tangible answers to prayers. And it was a good reminder for me--no matter how painful, obviously broken, or very inconvenient something is, God WILL use it for good. And sometimes He will heal it completely in a matter of hours and we will be in awe of His power and his love for us, and that will be worth the injury the night before.

Thank you everyone for thinking of and praying for me and the boys!! Feel free to send me selfies or videos if you want to say "Hola!" to the boys, they love it when I show them messages people have sent me to share with them. :)

Sunburns and Mama knows best

Some comic relief if you had a hard day: Below are pics the boys took of me attempting to get out of the 'bouncy tree' limb that I somehow climbed up on...and realizing I can't jump off without the branch smacking me. Also--please note my lobster red sunburn...I have literally never been this sunburnt in my life. I forgot how my 'baseline tan' is now extremely pale since I've been living in rainy Portland...let's just say I stick out like a sore thumb here even more than before. Hah!

Realizing the boys figured out the camera on my phone. 

Smiling although I'm certain I'm about to fall. 

I told my mom the other day that I don't really know how to blog. I could write a full blog post every day of things that happen here that seem crazy to people who aren't familiar with Honduran culture. Or how many times I had to ask each of the 8 boys to do their chores or the number of fights I had to break up. Or how many 'what are the odds of that happening' things that make us come up with a new plan.
And then there are the countless sweet moments I have with these boys. Coming from abusive homes, struggling with addiction to cocaine, some were left to fend for themselves, etc and they fight to heal and to learn and to grow in Christ; knowing that He has such big plans for their lives. And it's a struggle. And it's daily talks with them about changing their ways, having respect for other people, going to school, and having a conscience for other people's well being.
Unfortunately, none of those things were part of their family life before living here with Lisa.

My mom said, "What people really want to know is what your heart is learning in all of it so we can glean a little of it since we can't be there". I guess I hadn't really asked myself that question that directly.
When I look at this whole experience/way of life when I'm here as a person on the outside looking in, I'm learning that anything, and I mean absolutely anything, will give you the sense that you belong & and incredible peace when it's where God wants you. Even when there's stressful days, heartbreak that you never knew before, you have neighbors that are known drug dealers and murders that the police turn a blind eye to, and the culture as a whole is working against what you're trying to do--there is a force greater and more powerful that gives you the energy, abilities and wisdom to carry out His will and continue with what you know you were called there to do.

Me and Gelsin at the beach 

We'll probably lose power soon so I'm cutting this blog post short and posting it while we have electricity and wifi. More to come!

Being 'mom' for a while

God has a huge piece of my heart wrapped up in these boys. Yes, I pray about being here more often than once or twice a year. Or longterm for several months at a time. But for now with my scholarship / job contract commitment, I know God wants me to be a full-time RN for at least 3 years. After that, we will see where He leads.  

Isaias, Jose, Jeremias, Franklin, Melvin, Enil, Gelsin, Ever

This trip I'm here with the boys for a little over 3 weeks and am here to give Lisa some time to get away and relax while I take her place and take care of the boys. It is nearly impossible for her to take time off because every day presents a new problem, unforeseen interruption, errand that needs to be done, or trip to town (which is over an hour away) for something we can't buy locally. But! Now that I've been here a few days & Lisa has had a chance to work on an extremely long to-do list, we're getting ready for her to leave for a while and have a mini vacation away from the house.

Prayer requests while Lisa is gone:
-The boys will be respectful to me, the other people helping me out, and each other.
-None of the boys will run away from home.
-The boys will have a renewed appreciation for Lisa when she returns home.
-Me and the people helping me out will work well as a team.
-Safety for everyone and the properties.
-Wisdom and patience for dealing with conflict and discipline. 

The view of the jungle and ocean from the future home. 

Isaiah 43 was the passage the boys and I discussed during our first nightly Bible study this week. This chapter has been on my heart the past few weeks for what's going on in my life personally, and the boys had really great insight and thoughts during discussion. Below are some of their favorite verses they shared.


Isaiah 43:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze...

...Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland."


One of my favorite worship songs by A Jesus Church that's been on repeat lately:

"Deepen my heart"

if ever my love grows cold if ever my faith is weak if ever my heart grows numb to your gift that draws me near
deepen my heart

deepen my heart, deepen my heart deepen my heart for you the broken and lost your kingdom has come deepen my heart for you

Time warp.

It feels like it's been forever since I've seen the boys...and yet, I was here just 6 months ago this past September. But a lot has changed in my life and in their lives since we last saw each other: I'm now a full-time RN and I'm taking PTO for this trip instead of seeing them between semester breaks or summer vacations. And for them--there have been family heartbreaks, a new school year, new and old struggles popping up, some of the boys have ran away from home...some chose to come back and some chose not to.

And now, it's April 4th and I'm putting my 'normal life' on pause and jumping back into a world that is completely opposite in almost every way possible. I'm back at my home away from home. The place where I feel most alive and I feel God's Spirit moving and guiding me like it's a dance: leading and following, weaving back and forth through situations I would never be able to handle relying on my own strength.

If you're reading this and don't quite understand why I go to Honduras, here's a quick re-cap below. And if you want to read more stories and see how Bethesda Home for Boys has grown and changed over the past few years, check out my blog posts from past trips on the left side of this post from 2012 and 2015. :)

-Bethesda Home for Boys aka "Casa Betesda" is home to 8 boys in Balfate, Honduras. The number of boys fluctuates though, as Lisa has an "open door" policy so sometimes there are up to 12.
-Lisa is the foster mom who cares for the boys by raising them in a Christ-centered home where they go to school, have assigned chores, do Bible study, help with the property where the new home is, play soccer, and play on the beach. Also, play soccer. A lot of soccer.
-Most of these boys are from the La Ceiba area (a 'big' city near Balfate) and have parents of their own and several other siblings too. They're with Lisa because their biological parents neglect and/or abuse them, or their parents have recognized they are unable to take care of all their children and have reached out to Lisa to provide a safe and healthy home for their son.

-This year donations were able to provide tuition money for the boys to go to the bilingual school. This is HUGE since the school is private and provides an education of much better quality, is safer, and most of their schooling is in English. Most of the boys understand a lot of English already, but learning how to read, write, and speak in English will be a crucial skill for the boys' future and ability to find work.

-Bethesda Home for Boys was given property down the road up on the mountainside a while ago, and this past year God has provided the funds and laborers to start (and almost finish!!) building the boys' new home. So, eventually everything will be moved up there but for now it is a construction project that we are very excited about!! The new home will be safer (further away from the main road and no neighbors), provide more open space for the boys to run around and play, and a lot of the acreage is used for growing foods such as: avocados; mangos; cacao; plantains; pineapples; etc. This means the property will provide food for the house of rapidly growing boys and also provide a means of income by selling the extra crops.


I'll try to post a few times a week while I'm here, feel free to share my blog with anyone you think would like to read it or be interested in Bethesda Home for Boys!

Prayer requests:
-Safety
-Good health/energy during long days
-Wisdom and patience with disciplining & teaching a home full of teenage boys